A Report To GMAC’s Owners

Taxpayers,

Here is a bit of financial news on one of the newest additions to your portfolio.

GMAC today reported a $7.48 billion fourth-quarter profit! Last year they lost $724 million and for the first three quarters of this year they lost $7.9 billion. Congratulations to all of you. Under your wing things are looking a lot better.

Now some people are going to tell you not to celebrate just yet. You see, they turned a profit because they were able to book a gain of $11.4 billion from a debt for equity swap that they engineered. They did actually lose $1.31 billion in the auto finance business and another $981 in the mortgage operations but that’s chump change with your balance sheet behind them. And doesn’t it feel great to make money like the Wall Street guys do, never mind the fact that there isn’t any real cash that came in the door (not counting your investment, of course).

And the news may get even better. The scuttlebutt is that the new fiscal stimulus plan we’re rolling out on your behalf is going to include a tax deduction for interest paid on auto loans. That’s right, people are going to be rushing to borrow money from your company because you are going to subsidize them. Laissez les bon temps roullet. How easy is this stuff?

Now, I’ve heard some of you asking about having to pay for this sometime, and it would seem that maybe taxes have to go up to pay for all of the money you put into the company, and I’m sure you may wonder who will have to pay for the lost income tax from those people who do borrow from us and get to deduct the interest but I think you should relax. The economists keep saying that we need money circulating faster, velocity is what they call it, and if that happens then everything is going to be OK. With the scheme we have here, money is going to be flying around. It’s going to be 2004 again before you can blink.

So rest easy in the knowledge that we have this figured out. The new President brought in lots of talent from Wall Street so rest easy. They know how to make big money out of these things.

Yours Truly,

Congressional Holdings, Inc.

P.S. Protect Your Investment. Buy American.

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